John Baur & Mark Summers •
Sorry, I had to get that out of my system. If, like me, you harbor a secret desire to shiver a few timbers, accessorize with an eye patch and a peg leg, or make your critics walk the plank, you’ve landed in the right port.
The instigators of Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19—mark your captain’s log with a red X), known to their crew as Ol’ Chumbucket and Cap’n Slappy, have drawn a detailed treasure map for all us closet buccaneers. The fundamentals of pirate currency (pieces of eight), cuisine (hardtack and grog), and courtship (“Prepare to be boarded”) are treated in depth here; you’ll also find signs of the pirate zodiac (Hook, Blunderbuss, Dagger), tips on parrot training, and rip-roaring toasts (“Blood and water—blood and water! Everyone is cannon fodder!”).
Capsule biographies of infamous swashbucklers provide role models, as does a list of those contemporary figures who sport pirattitude (Jimmy Buffett) and those who do not (Barry Manilow). Handy lexicons translate everyday terms for venues ranging from church (amen = aye, aye!) to the doctor’s office (think of that hypodermic needle as a harpoon).
And finally, multiple choice quizzes throughout the book help determine your fitness to fly the Jolly Roger. There’s even a Pirate Name Generator to complete your transformation from landlubber to salty dog.
Just call me Black Beagle, the Terror of Third Avenue.