Ray Robinson •
Famous Last Words •

Death and taxes may be equally inevitable, but it’s no fun reading a book about taxes. Memorable exit lines, however, are another matter. They can be hilarious or grisly, succinct or verbose, inane or instructive, as Ray Robinson’s wide-ranging collection proves.

Starting with economist John Maynard Keynes (“I wish I had drunk more champagne”—a man after my own heart) and progressing through author Wyndham Lewis (“Mind your own business”) to infamous courtesan Madame de Pompadour (“Wait a second”), Famous Last Words rounds up the best of the last.

In length, they vary from Humphrey Bogart’s pithy “Hurry back”(spoken to wife Lauren Bacall as she left for the grocery store) to the rambling, incoherent, pages-long rant delivered by mobster Dutch Schultz. No one, including the police stenographer detailed to take down his words, could make head or tail of what he was on about.

The heartbreaking: a message of love for his wife left by Brian Sweeney, a passenger on hijacked flight 175

The poetic: “Turn up the lights. I don’t want to go home in the dark.” –O. Henry

The flippant: “Why should I talk to you? I’ve just been talking to your boss.” –dramatist Wilson Mizner, to a priest

The practical: “Leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub.” –hotelier Conrad Hilton

About a month before his demise, Oscar Wilde reportedly said, “I am in a duel to death with this wallpaper. One of us has to go.” These were neither his final words nor the ones commonly attributed to him on his deathbed (“Either this wallpaper goes or I do”). But Oscar would probably not have objected to the embellishment, particularly if it enhanced his reputation as one of the world’s greatest wits.

Here’s to the dear departed.